Friday, August 26, 2016

Hope is what guides me...


Wow it's been awhile since I posted anything  personal on my blog...
I'm about to get real personal...
 Many of you know that I have had and survived uterine cancer 3 x's now.
 I got a call from the doctor telling me they had some problems with my blood tests and needed me to come in. 3 weeks ago today I went and was told they thought my cancer was back. I had my cat scans and mri, blood tests, xrays and ultrasounds, and was told to wait for the results. I went to work But my wonderful bosses let me go home...
I got the call to come in cause my results were in last week and was able to go in on Friday.
4 little words that can turn your world upside down..
 Your cancer is back.
Stage 2 uterine sarcoma. We discussed treatments and options.
The chemo severely damaged my heart & kidneys last time and I have been very close to getting a heart pump and going on dialysis if it couldn't be stabilized.
So we decided to boost my heart and kidney meds and start me on hormone therapy and in a couple weeks I am going to have to go in and get a introlesional injection of chemo into my tumors.

I left the doctors just numb. I drove to the river & just sat and cried. Anyone that has ever been through any of this knows its exhausting, its depressing.I try really hard to be strong and stay positive. But Im not going to lie there are days that I am just done with it all. At one point last time, I was coming to a T in the road and for one quick second I thought I could just drive right through. I looked up and a caseys pizza truck happened to be going by and I just started laughing. How ironic that it was my favorite pizza truck going by. After my first surgery I died on the operating table, since then I have been going to cancer grief and support counceling, and it helps sometimes. Especially talking to someone that knows how it feels.
 I went to work and tried really hard not to let it bother me. I went to my nephews birthday and just enjoyed it.
On monday I started my meds and oh my god.
Let me just say that cancer is not for the weak. the first couple days are the worst. I spent most of the morning laying on the bathroom floor so I could get to the toilet in time. I tried to go to work but after having to run to the back bathroom to go to the bathroom and having them have it closed for cleaning I thought. It is humiliating to be getting sick anyways but to do it on the floor in walmart in front of all those people I could not do it. I found my manager and told her I was going home. I was truly sorry I wanted to be able to handle it. I just couldn't. She told me I was fine and to go.
But I sat in my car and cried. I am NOT a weak person and this made me feel like I was.
I stayed home the next day. And then I decided I needed to go, I needed to will myself to get through this. I want to live . I am not going to sit and wither and die.
I have gotten some anti nausea pills which help a little . My head always feels like someone has it in a vise grip. My whole body aches, it literally hurts if anyone touches it.I go from freezing to burning up. Im shakey. at night when I try to sleep my legs ache so bad I want to cry. I can't sleep between thinking and the pain.
But I am going to do this one day at a time and I Will beat this.
I have lots of support from Family and friends, even if its just to listen to me cry or bitch.
So if you ask me how I am I will probably say I am here. cause you really don't want to know. But I am here!
My sister asked me what I thought about this... and to be honest it scares the shit out of me.. I don't want to be sick, I dont want to be tired all the time and sore. worry about eating and I definitely don't want to die. I still have a lot of things I want to do, places I want to go. It pisses me off. It's depressing. and it's exhausting. But I am a fighter and I will beat this again.
This right here is what makes me get up each morning and continue..

So I have learned to keep a towel on the floor to lay on, electronic devices areamazing. My disney emoji game is getting a workout. and pain pills are my best friend.

I absolutely love this song and listen to it every day.. it definitely speaks to me
 I will leave you with this. It is one of my favorite quotes, & the inspiration for the tatoo I got after my last bout with cancer...

Hope guides me. It is what gets me through the day and especially the night.

Have a wonderful day Ya'all!



New mixology- you & I, new realease from Marie H Designs

Hello everyone ! Today is the day for a new Mixology at Go Digital Scrapbooking. It is called You and I and you will love what all the participant designers have created for you. Marie H Designs have created 6 packs that you can find at only $1.20 each until September 7th in her store. augmixo 
Take a closer look at what she has created for this mixology. mhd_YouAndI-elements_preview mhd_YouAndI-emboss_preview mhd_YouAndI-mini1_preview mhd_YouAndI-mini2_preview mhd_YouAndI-papersp_preview mhd_YouAndI-Solids_preview 
Here are layouts that her wonderful team have created with her products. They are truely amazing. ctlayoutss 
Here's mine!

Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Back to School , A new release from Triple J Designs

This weeks release is Back to School! 
With plenty of themed and unthemed elements, this kit is perfect all your back to school photos!

Back to School
30% off through September 1st

*Get this set of papers FREE with the purchase of my Back to School kit.
Simply add both items to your cart before checkout.
Offer Expires September 1, 2016


Now, how about a little CT Inspiration to get your scrappiness flowing.

Jenn


Robin

Joyce

Melissa



Karrie


Theresa


Kim


Jamie


and here is a Freebie from CT Karrie


Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Crazy busy & Just me, both new from Ponytails Designs

Ponytails designs has a new release for you today, ironically called “Crazy Busy.”  This was originally meant to be part of the July Bit’s N Pieces over at SNP, but it didn’t get finished it. A nice brownhas been added, which I think adds a nice finishing touch to the palette.
Crazy Busy represents a typical day in the life of a mom (or dad)… running around trying to get the kids up and ready for school.  Then trying to get yourself out the door to go to work or start your endless errands.  Then you come home to try to make some order of things, take the kids to playdates, practices, and other activities.  Dinner time, bath time, and finally bedtime!  You’d enjoy those few minutes of quiet time if you weren’t so exhausted from your crazy busy day!
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GINGERSCRAPS     ~     SCRAPS N PIECES
ponytails_CrazyBusy_preview
GINGERSCRAPS     ~     SCRAPS N PIECES
ponytails_CrazyBusy_accents
GINGERSCRAPS     ~     SCRAPS N PIECES
ponytails_CrazyBusy_alphas
GINGERSCRAPS     ~     SCRAPS N PIECES
ponytails_blog BLANK 775px
Ponytails Designs also released a kit for the August Buffet that hasn't had a chance to advertise yet.
In the infamous words of Dr. Seuss… “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  Truer words were never spoken and that is what this kit is all about.  Just Me features a bright and shiny colour palette with all sorts of goodies to help you show off who you really are! Ponytails Designs has put the bundle and kit on sale for you at 30% off, since they weren’t part of the original Buffet.
ponytails_JustMe_bundle
GINGERSCRAPS
ponytails_JustMe_preview
GINGERSCRAPS
ponytails_blog CT INSPIRATION 775px
ponytails_JustMeCrazyBusyCollage
ponytails_blog FREE GIFT 775px
Of course it wouldn’t be a new release day without a freebie for you.  Today there are two! Click on link to go to Ponytails Designs blog to pick these up!
ponytails_CrazyBusy_burstsfreebie
DOWNLOAD
ponytails_JustMe_swirlfreebie
DOWNLOAD
Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

Friday, August 19, 2016

Cheertastic, a new release from Growing Pains Scrapped

Let's Hear It for the Team!!! GO TEAM!!! Do you love to cheer on your favorite team or players? Perhaps you are even a Team Cheerleader, or maybe you are just a cheerleader from the stands. Either way, 'Cheertastic' by Growing Pains Scrapped is perfect for you! The kit contains a full alpha, 24 Papers and 84 elements which include cheerleaders, flags, a trophy, megaphones and so much more! There is also an add-on word art pack that has 10 pre-made wordarts and 4 blank tags for you to use. Make sure to CHEER along with your favorite Cheerleader or Sports team by picking up "Cheertastic" by Growing Pains Scrapped! AND it's on sale right now for 50% off as part of the Growing Pains Scrapped Back to School Sale!! GPS_Cheertastic_Full Preview GPS_Cheertastic_Alpha Preview GPS_Cheertastic_WordbitPreview Pick up Cheertastic in the Growing Pains Scrapped Store now!

Here are some amazing pages put together by the team using Cheertastic:

  And we have a special little freebie for you made by Karrie on the CT. You can click on the image to snag this awesome little cluster!  
Happy Scrappin Ya'all!